The grass is always greener on the other side.

As my time at Kell Altermann and Runstein comes to an end, I am starting to realize I just might genuinely miss this place.

The other day I realized exactly what I needed from the firm: validation. Tom Rask, one of the partners, was discussing my move with me while he was organizing an errand for me to run. While doing so, he told me about the potential he saw within me and just told me how I had so many options in my life that I shouldn't waste them.

Perhaps I am insecure. Perhaps I am vain. Regardless, I love to hear when people have faith in me to do great things. It propels me.

But, God has me in Salem for a reason and I am excited to see why.

I am in the middle of a spiritual high in my relationship with God. I can't seem to get enough of Him. I love feeling close to Him and feeling the passion burning inside to know Him and please Him.

This past Sunday the sermon was about when God calls on you to do His will. It may be scary and push you out of your comfort zone, but doing so will bring blessings that you never could have anticipated.

I received a calling from God approximately a year and a half ago. I am certain of it. It is literally terrifying. Even just thinking about it makes me tear up and I immediately feel a resistance build up to it.

Growing up, the Church had always been for “others.” I felt like an outsider that didn’t belong who just tagged along. Needless to say, I strayed. After an unhealthy period of straying, He called me back. I am that sheep that always strays and that God hunts down with vigor. Even though I consider my knack for straying a failure, I am always amazed at His undying love, guidance, and faithfulness. I have learned how to continually build and protect my relationship with Him through reading, prayer, and fellowship. However, that calling is always in the back of my head. Haunting me.

I am trying to get up enough courage to jump into this calling. Its so hard because every bone in my body is responding with “No, God. Not me. Choose someone more patient, more obedient, more eloquent, less selfish, less… me.” It is by far the most challenging thing I have ever encountered.

I think Moses and I would be great friends if we met right after his burning bush. My burning bush isn’t asking me to do even half of what he did, but I feel our reactions are similar.
I’ll keep reading. Keep praying. Keep taking tiny steps on this path he has put me on.

God knows me better than I could ever hope to know myself, so why in the world would I even dream of hesitating?